Tom and I were on an absolute high when we went to the pub on Friday afternoon after meeting with the children’s social workers. But by the next morning, however, we spent what felt like a really long weekend going back and forth about what we were going to do.
We could definitely imagine the children living with us and being their parents but, and this is a big but, we didn’t feel an instant overwhelming connection to them and this worried us. Logically we knew there shouldn’t be an expectation of ‘love’ based on a photograph but at the same time I think we wanted to feel something more than we were. Mama Cass sang, “Once I believed that when love came to me, it would come with rockets, bells and poetry” and I think that’s what we were expecting.
I think we were also worried by how quickly things were progressing. We’d been told the process from being linked to introductions could take up to four months and we were now talking about taking under two. Although we’ve been waiting for this to happen for around a year it was suddenly very real and about to occur within a couple of months, and it was scary.
We spoke with Denise, our social worker, on Monday morning who told us our feelings were completely normal and she was really pleased we were being honest with her about how we felt. She suggested we take a day or two more to have a think and to chat to our support network.
That was probably the best thing we did. We spoke with our siblings and best friends about how we were feeling and it really sorted our heads out. They talked about how their feelings towards their own children developed over time – some very quickly and some took a little longer – and that’s completely normal. If they felt that about their own birth children, why shouldn’t we feel the same about two children we had yet to meet?
Knowing this, we went back to Denise and told her that we would love to be the children’s parents. Through all this it hadn’t occurred to us that maybe the children’s social workers may not have chosen us. Thankfully they thought we’d be a great match and so we were officially linked.
As Mama Cass’ song carries on, “But with me and you it just started quietly and grew… And it's getting better”. And I suspect, and hope, this will be the same with Tom and me.
My husband and I have adopted two wonderful children. Duckling is 5 and Gosling, her little brother, is 3. I'll be keeping track of our journey here...